MONTPELIER – After several complaints by unnamed staffers over the weekend, Vermont Lt. Governor Dave Zuckerman has announced his intention to step down amid a flurry of accusations that he inappropriately referenced major plot points from “Star Wars: The Last Jedi.” Many employees in his office had not yet seen the film, and will now have a hard time enjoying it in the future.
The Winooski can obviously not comment on what exactly was said, as many of our readers have also not yet seen the film, but the spoilers that spewed forth from him were both graphic and disturbing.
“I couldn’t even believe it was happening,” said one of the anonymous complainants. “I had spent the entire weekend avoiding anything to do with the movie so I could see it tonight, and then he just rushes into the room and shouts, well, I can’t even say what he said. Have you seen the movie yet? Maybe I can tell you. No, I won’t say. It was awful.”
Zuckerman’s conduct came as a complete surprise to his many supporters, who often describe him as a nice guy and very respectful of others. It came as no surprise to his detractors, who often describe him as not a nice guy and very bad for the state of Vermont.
In his resignation announcement, Zuckerman apologized to those whom he had spoiled. “I am deeply sorry to everyone in my office. I know now that I should have asked first, whether they had seen the movie. I got too excited, and my constituents deserve a lieutenant governor that can keep his details to himself. I leave with a heavy heart, and I plan to spend the next few weeks watching The Last Jedi again and again, and then not discussing it with anyone.”