Smuggler’s Notch Sirens Lure Another Truck to Its Death

CAMBRIDGE – Another tractor-trailer has been lured to its doom by the dangerous creatures who lurk in and around Smuggler’s Notch. The sirens use their voices to magically enchant truck drivers onto Notch Road, generally on the Cambridge side of the pass, and then watch as the drivers literally destroy themselves on the dangerous rocks. The sirens have been a problem for millennia, and local officials are struggling with how to handle them.

“I honestly don’t know what else we can do,” says frustrated fire chief Alan Cary. “We’ve put up huge blinking neon signs, posted warnings both online and all over town, and we’ve even started going up to truckers personally to beg them to use earplugs when driving in and around Cambridge and Jeffersonville, but nothing seems to work. And I know these guys aren’t stupid. There’s no way any of them are driving their trucks into the notch intentionally. But once you hear that song, you really don’t have a choice.”

The truck drivers themselves are also at a loss. The subject of the sirens came up at a recent Teamsters union meeting, although there was some confusion when non-locals confused the magical sirens of death with emergency police sirens. No solution was settled on for dealing with the Smuggler’s Notch sirens, although there was agreement that, in the case of the other kind of sirens, truckers should slow down and pull to the side of the road.

“I can’t explain it,” said Randy Janssen, the trucker who recently got his truck wedged into the rocks. “I was driving through town, making my deliveries, no intention of heading over to Stowe or anything, but then I hear this music. I can’t even describe it. It was like, if Trisha Yearwood and Patsy Cline had a baby, and that baby was an evil demon with magical singing powers, or something like that. Like I said, I can’t describe it. Anyways, I just started driving toward the music, and I knew, deep down, that I shouldn’t do it, but I couldn’t help myself. I saw the neon warning signs, but it was like someone else was driving my rig, and then BAM! Right into the rocks. And then the music was gone. It’s kind of embarrassing actually, plus I don’t know how I’m going to pay for the truck.”

For now, truck drivers are being advised to avoid Mount Mansfield entirely until the Vermont Department of Transportation can finish developing the sonic weapon it has been working on for the past decade.

Image Credits: Lamoille Country Planning Commission.

2 Comments

  1. The state should put up a large steel beam that restricts the height of vehicles and or a one lane restricted width gate. That “might” deter some of them. But that would be “dangerous” and people are stupid and need to be protected from themselves.

  2. The state has done everything possible to keep this from happening, short of blocking the road to trucks (which was also discussed). I know because I was part of that group. Some truck drivers use GPS guidance to navigate, and when time and money are on the line and your route was shown to go on that road to save over an hour travel time to go around, they go no matter what signs, warnings, devices, or anything else you put in their way. The other drivers are usually local and have done it before. They know how to set the trailer wheels, when to turn, where to turn, and sometimes they get just too brave. Look at the scrape marks on the rocks next time you travel up there, or take a day (and a pick-nick) and sit on the Smuggler’s Notch road on a sunny afternoon during the week and see how many cut through. There is really no good solution that would not also limit campers, buses, garbage trucks, delivery trucks, etc. without making the road a toll road with a gate and having someone to turn them away. And if that were to occur, the tractor trailers would need room to back up and turn around. Not much room up there …

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