Phoenix Books Burns to the Ground, Is Immediately Rebuilt

BURLINGTON – Popular local book store Phoenix Books burned to the ground last night in what eyewitnesses call a “truly horrific fire.” The entire building was engulfed in flames and the store reduced to ashes. Oddly enough, the adjacent buildings were unharmed in the blaze that destroyed the successful business. Odder still, when our reporter returned for a follow-up this morning, the bookstore appeared to be completely rebuilt and open for business.

“Yeah, it does that,” said co-founder Michael DeSanto. “It was actually a little overdue. I’d say the place burns down every few months or so, but it’s been almost a year since the last time so we’re all pretty glad it finally happened.” DeSanto, when asked to explain how the bookstore was rebuilt so quickly, said simply that it was “in its nature,” and was unable or unwilling to provide more specific details.

No employees were inside during the inferno, and the police do not suspect arson. DeSanto asks customers not to disturb the ashes of the store if they find it missing in the future, as it will make the rebirthing process more difficult.

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