Vermonters Caught in Crossfire as Public Feud Escalates Between Fall and Winter

WILLISTON – Tensions are rising between two prominent public seasons, leaving many Vermonters caught in the crossfire. Fall and Winter have a history of animosity, but their public feud has escalated to the point where locals residents are feelings confused and concerned.

“I went out to rake some leaves,” said Williston resident Wanda Hale, “but as soon as I grabbed the rake, my yard was covered in snow. This kind of stuff has happened before, so I just went for the snow shovel, but before I could get out there the snow in the yard was covered with leaves. So now what? Do I rake? Do I shovel? Is more snow coming? If this doesn’t stop, what kind of sick yardwork sandwich are we going to end up with?”

Fall spoke to reporters about the bold move, and showed no signs of backing down from the conflict.

“First of all, you can call me Autumn. Fall is what my friends call me. And I’ve been taking it for years, letting Winter show up whenever. Hell, a few years ago Winter was gone so long that Summer showed up on Christmas Eve wondering what the deal was. And now Winter is gonna throw down some serious snow before Thanksgiving? My leaves are still on the f***ing trees! So nah, I’m not about to just move on and let Winter have this. Hope you like some hayrides with your sleighrides, b****es!”

Winter did not respond to requests for comment, although a representative from their office did send out a link to Winter’s official homepage, specifically the page listing their mission statement, which reads: “Winter is Coming. I Do What I Want.”

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1 Comment

  1. When winter wins this feud, the “giant, gaping hole” downtown might better serve as a snow dump than a time travel facility. At least for a few years.

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