Local Retailers Reporting Eye of Newt Shortage

WILLISTON – Many of Vermont’s retailers are reporting a shortage on eye of newt, including the big box stores in Williston. This generally unpopular item often sells more quickly around the end of October, but shop owners were taken by surprise this year by the sudden demand for the scarce item.

“I should have seen it coming and ordered more,” said Walmart manager Wade Mimmum. “Between the people hexing Brett Kavanaugh, and the people counter-hexing the people hexing Brett Kavanaugh, we’ve never seen such a run on eye of newt. And honestly, we’re down to our last few cauldrons as well.”

Casting curses on politicians and celebrities has never been more popular, and now many Vermonters are left scrambling for last minute ingredients for their potions and brews.

“I even went to Petsmart, figuring I could just grab my own newt, but they were sold out of the live ones!” said local dark arts practitioner Hazel Craft. “So now I’m either going out in the woods looking for my own newt, or going to Target. I did hear they had a few left, but I already cast a curse on them to prevent them from opening, so it would feel weird to get anything from them. But hey, you gotta do what you gotta do sometimes.”

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