Vermonters Attempt to Ward Off Evil Spirits By Dressing as Terrifying Creatures

WINOOSKI – The celebration of Halloween has morphed from its original spiritual roots to a commercialized festival of fun, following other notable holidays such as Christmas and St. Patrick’s Day, but now some Vermonters may be bringing the night of terror closer to its origins. With growing unrest and anxiety sweeping the nation, many are wondering if perhaps evil spirits may indeed be on the loose. The costumes we wear now are mostly just for fun, but people once believed that they could ward off evil by dressing as something even more terrifying. As preparations for All Hallow’s Eve continue,¬†The Winooski¬†spoke to several Vermonters who are hoping to keep the demons at bay this year by dressing as the most terrifying things they can think of.

“This here’s my orange head, my tiny hands, and you will notice there is no heart or brain anywhere in this costume,” said Winooski resident and teacher Eddie Caisson. He plans on wearing his Donald Trump costume tomorrow night to scare off any minor devils that may come by to cause mischief.

Barre truck driver Terry Libian is also dressing up to scare away the spooks, but his costume looks very different. “I got the wild hair, the glasses, the stupid bird on my shoulder, I think it looks great. Nothing terrifies me more than president a Bernie Sanders, except maybe Hillary, but I ain’t dressing up as no chick.”

Over in Shelburne we found more than a few MAGA costumes, with the red hats, beer bellies, and partially finished G.E.D.s. The people we spoke with told us that, while the president is scary, nothing is more frightening than the people who support him, because of how stupid and drunk and evil they all are, and how they are going to murder all the liberals with their assault rifles.

In St. Johnsbury we saw different costumes, as pedestrians proudly showed off their “Libtard” outfits. “If this don’t scare ghosts away, I don’t know what will,” said one woman in what appeared to be a cross between a hippie outfit and a “sexy college professor” costume. “This country was great once, till those libtards took over everything. Now we can’t say anything, do anything, and they’re taking all our money and giving it to criminals. We’re trying to take our country back, but I don’t know if we can. The media never tells our side of the story. Hey, are you the media? Write all this down. And don’t change nothin’. Put it all in that fancy paper of yours. Yeah, you look decent. You want some candy?”

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