BURLINGTON – The Middlebury College sports community was stunned this week when accusations of cultural appropriation were leveled against the school’s quidditch team. Representatives from Stop New Instances of Taking Culture from Hogwarts (SNITCH) contacted the Middlebury athletics department and requested that they immediately cease all activities that they say are disrespectful of wizarding culture.
”It’s honestly quite disgusting,” said Euphegenia Bramblesmack, a SNITCH officer who responded to our requests for comment. “They put muggle brooms between their legs and run around mocking us as they dress one the of the muggles up as a golden snitch of all things. Imagine if they did this with a Native American tradition, or if they let white people incorporate bits of black culture into their music and art and then profited off of it. No one would allow it! But because we’re wizards it’s okay? I’m here to say unequivocally that it is not.”
Middlebury declined to comment on the situation, but sources at the school say they have no intention of stopping the quidditch program, and that people of all cultures should be able to enjoy the sport equally without fear of magical reprisal.