Dave Zuckerman Promoted to “Commander Governor” Because Nobody Can Spell “Lieutenant”

MONTPELIER – Vermont’s former Lieutenant Governor David “Zuck” Zuckerman has been promoted this week to Commander Governor in a formal ceremony on the state house lawn. Governor Phil Scott presided over the affair, dubbing Zuckerman “the best Lieutenant Governor he has had this year,” and the “most deserving of the promotion” out of “all current Vermont Lieutenant Governors.”

Sources inside the state house report that the driving reason for the change was staff’s inability to correctly spell the word “lieutenant,” with frustrating documents coming across Scott’s desk containing the words “liutenant,” “leiutenant,” “lieutenent,” and “lootent.” The governor had decided to act, although one anonymous staffer reveals that Scott initially considered a demotion, rather than a promotion.

“Originally this was not going to be a promotion” they said. “Phil started by telling Zuck he was being demoted to Ensign Governor, but in the very first memo about the change someone wrote “Ensen” and he realized that this wasn’t going to solve the real problem here. So he went in the other direction.”

Zuckerman himself is feeling hopeful about the change and has encouraged state workers to spell “Commander” with only one “m” in the hopes of making Captain by the end of the year.

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