MONTPELIER – New research shows that Vermont’s rising smoking rates have nothing to do with the popularity of vaping, according to a new joint study by the state’s top vaping companies. Though Vermont has a higher smoking rate than the national average, this has nothing to do with the enormous vaping rate, with this new research calling it a “total coincidence.”
The study cites compelling difference between the two activities, such as “made of metal” vs. “made of paper and death,” and “different shape at the end,” to show that vaping and smoking are entirely unrelated. Any similarities between the two products, such as nicotine content, method of use, secondhand inhalations, and hundreds of other factors, are found to be “not worth even discussing” by the new research.
“I’m very happy with the findings,” said Vape Vermont founder Landham Young. “Yes, the number of Vermont high-schoolers who have tried vaping is up to 34% and rising, but luckily we know that this will not lead to smoking those dangerous and hazardous cigarettes. We did a very comprehensive study and, after weeding out obvious outliers, people who were clearly lying, and other responses inconsistent with our own personal truths, we were able to get a very clear picture of the absolute safety of our product.”
Despite this study, the Vermont legislature has pledged to increase anti-smoking funding in 2019.
“That’s fine with us!” said Young. “I personally don’t think anyone should smoke. It’s bad for you. They should e-smoke instead. It’s totally different.’