Norwich Man Worries He Doesn’t Have Enough Yard Signage to Earn His Liberal Card

NORWICH – The front lawn of the Saunders’ family home is littered with signs displaying messages like “Black Lives Matter” and “Bernie 2020,” but, despite having almost no usable space left, Ernie is worried that people driving by won’t understand just how liberal he is. His neighbors, and even his wife, have asked him to reduce the number of signs on his lawn, with some calling it an eyesore, but Mr. Saunders does not feel that there are too many signs on his lawn. In fact, he’d like more.

“Look, tons of people have Bernie Sanders material on their lawns. And I’m sure some of them are liberals, but there are a lot of LIONs (Liberals in Only Name) around here too, who just like Bernie because it’s cool to like him. I’m not one of those guys. I’ve applied for membership to some very left-leaning organizations, and if they show up to check me out and I’ve only got some recent, trendy signs out front, they’ll know I’m a poser. I need to communicate just how liberal I am. I’m close, but I don’t think I’m there yet.”

“Oh, I think he’s there,” said Ernie’s wife June.

Dragging a large sign out of his garage depicting a burning map of the United States under the caption “But her e-mails…”, Saunders looked carefully for the best place to display his latest proof of political affiliation. Finally settling on a thin strip of grass sandwiched between “Build Bridges Not Walls” and “#Resist,” he brought out a mallet and, a few whacks later, the sign was in place.

“I don’t know if anybody’s actually going to come see the house,” Saunders said, speaking again of the unnamed organizations that he hopes to become a part of, “but hopefully that Google car will drive by soon, so if they at least look up my address online, they’ll see what kind of person I really am. I just hope it’s enough.”

Image Credits: Doug Kerr.

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