Calves Looking Forward to Counting Humans on Road Trip, Yelling “Moo” at Them

NORTH FERRISBURGH – When Mr. & Mrs. Lavache told their two young calves that they would be travelling this summer to visit relatives out of state, little Evelyn and Wyatt would have leapt for joy if they had had traditional knees. It is rare for cattle to be able to take vacations out of Vermont, and the whole family says they know how lucky they are. When the Lavaches asked their calves what they were most looking forward to about the trip, both children quickly blurted out that they couldn’t wait to see all the humans standing on the side of the road.

“Yeah, we made up this game,” said Evelyn, “where we count how many humans are on each of our sides, of the car you know, and we’re going to yell ‘Moo!’ at them, cause that’s what humans say mostly, and maybe some will look at us, and, cut it OUT Wyatt! Keep your hooves to yourself! MOOOOOOOM!”

The Lavaches acknowledge that humans do make other sounds than moo, but that moo seems to be the word they say most often. “I’ve heard ’em make other noises,” said Mr. Lavache, a medium sized bull who works at Kimball Brook Farm, “but we see ’em drive by all the time, and they mostly just lean out the window and say moo. Horses neigh, pigs oink, humans moo, and I hope we see a lot of all of ’em on the trip. The calves are pretty excited.”

“I read a book about humans in school,” said Wyatt. “They’re omnivores, that means they eat plants and other animals, and they live to be about 75 years old, they only have one stomach, they mostly say moo, and when you see a bunch of them lying down in a field for a long time, that means the sirens are coming. I’m totally gonna see more humans than Evelyn.”

4 Comments

  1. Will the Lavaches (I got it — did anyone else?) assign point values to each species they spot? And will Wyatt claim to have seen a bear? And won’t the van tip over if the whole family sticks their heads out the passenger side window?

  2. Yes, I’m worried about taking that trip in a VW van. Maybe a Forester would be better. Bucket seats for Evelyn and Wyatt so they won’t fuss at each other when they get bored. And more places for them to store their bottle of milk.

  3. I agree with Chris. I also think that van looks like it might commandeer the family and drive itself to a Woodstock reunion…or maybe to San Francisco. Peace!

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