Vermonters Agree, World Was Less Complicated When They Were Younger and Stupider

WINOOSKI – A new survey of Vermonters has shown that the majority of residents believe the world was far less complicated back when they didn’t know so much about it. Many people surveyed not only asserted that the world was simpler in the past, but expressed a desire to return to that time again, believing that it was a superior time to today.

Of those surveyed who were between the ages of 35-44, 93% agreed that the 90’s were “less complicated” than the present, and 88% would choose to return to a world of similar structures, situations, and values. Respondents between the ages of 45-54 disagreed, saying that the 90’s “sucked,” due to the Gulf War, racial tension and the Los Angeles riots, the stock market crisis of 1997, the impeachment of the president, and other complicated issues. 92% of these people believe that the 80’s were “less complicated” and that we should return to the simpler times between 1980-1989.

Survey respondents aged 55-64 did not feel that the 80’s were “less complicated,” citing embassy bombings, Iran-Contra, the AIDS epidemic, oil spills, MTV, and other catastrophes that furthered ruined what once was a fine world. They almost unanimously agreed that the best and simplest era was the 1970’s, when kids could be kids, nobody was on their phone all the time, and instead of racing on video games, you raced on your bike.

The 70’s were not simple, according to survey takers aged 65-74, 87% of whom answered that the 1960’s were the simpler times to return to, and that the 70’s were a complete disaster thanks to the oil crisis, Watergate, prison riots, the Jonestown massacre, Three-Mile Island, and the death of Elvis. But those surveyed who were aged 75-84 had nothing but terrible things to say about those hippies in the 60’s and the Vietnam war. They would have preferred the simplicity of the 1950’s, which the oldest Vermonters agreed were when things really started to go downhill, and why can’t we all be decent like they were in the 40’s anymore, and once Disneyland opened it was all over.

The one thing everyone could agree on is that the more we know about the world, the worse it seems, and we would all rather return to the times in our lives when the situation was equally as terrible, but we didn’t yet understand just how bad it was.

Image Credits: Louis McAllister.

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