VT Lawmakers Abandon Roadside Saliva Test in Favor of Stool Samples

MONTPELIER – The Vermont Senate voted down a bill this week that would have allowed for roadside saliva tests for marijuana, part of the Governor’s plan as the state heads toward the July 1st legalization date for the drug. But a friendly amendment altering the bill to allow for roadside stool samples to be collected has been approved, and police will be able to perform this new test starting in July for drivers suspected of being impaired.

“This is going to be an effective tool for dealing with drugged driving, impaired driving of all sorts,” Governor Scott said after signing the legislation. “I’m happy we could come to this compromise.”

Proponents of the measure say that, while potentially more invasive, officers may be less likely to go straight for this option and be more inclined to use other tools in their law enforcement toolbox, hopefully eliminating profiling and harassment claims.

“Yeah, I’m definitely not looking forward to asking somebody for this,” said one officer, who spoke with us on the condition of anonymity. “We already deal with a lot of crap on the job, but this feels a little too far. But hey, if I need to, I’ll get the sample.”

Vermont drivers are not looking forward to the implementation of the new policy, and some feel they may have trouble producing the sample on demand. One proposal for dealing with this issue is to re-open the Taco Bell in the University Mall in South Burlington, while another proposal calls for officers to be unusually terrifying. Either way, motorists with bloodshot eyes will soon have a harder time telling officers that it was a late night and that they’re just pooped.

3 Comments

  1. Holy crap, what a creative (sitting) position for the State to take. Costco TP sales will go through the roof.

  2. Love this! One of your best ones yet. Glad this was not the policy back in the early 70’s when I was a long-haired, tree-hugging hippie at Goddard College in the rolling hills of Plainfield.

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