MONTPELIER – Violence has broken out among two rabid fan groups on Vermont’s State House lawn this morning, as both sides hope to win an official state holiday for their cause. Fans of the Star Wars franchise have long celebrated May the 4th as “Star Wars Day,” owing to the similarity of the date to the film series’ catchphrase “May the Force be with you.” But the date is also celebrated by superfans of the television series Arrested Development, who are attempting to get the show’s ficitonal May 4th holiday “Cinco de Cuatro” recognized by Governor Scott.
What began as two peaceful rallies quickly broke down, as it was clear that only one side would potentially be getting official recognition from the state. Vermont Governor Phil Scott was heard saying “What? No. No way. And definitely not two!” which prompted the confrontation.
The AD fans threw the first punch, according to witnesses on the lawn, as one middle-aged gentleman attempted to drive his stair car towards the SW fan base. The SW fans were quick to leap to the defense, pulling out plastic, light-up, extendable light sabers and roundly delivering a sore thrashing to the man in the non-traditional vehicle.
Smoke bombs flew from the AD side of the conflict, as well as blue paint and bananas, while the SW side attempted to force choke their opponents as the thermal detonators soared through the air into the midst of the AD crew. Police arrived shortly thereafter and separated the two unruly mobs. There were no injuries, and the participants are being asked to help clean up the lawn. The Governor’s office had no comment on the fracas, other than to remind Vermonters that today, Friday, May 4th, 2018, is International Tuba Day.