Middlebury Students Refuse to Acknowledge Middle-Aged Woman as Peer

MIDDLEBURY – A thirty-nine-year-old woman from Middlebury is calling out a group of students at Middlebury College for their continued insistence that she is not “one of them.” Rebecca “The Beckster” Swanson, a stay-at-home mother of two, feels that she is being unjustly excluded due to her age and spoke to reporters about it.

“There is almost no noticeable difference in age,” Swanson told The Winooski. “I’m still as cool and with it as I was twenty years ago. I look good, I’m not harshing any vibes, I just don’t get why they won’t include me in things. I’m out drinking almost every night, I listen to Taylor Swift, what other proof do you need that I’m a DTF, lit sista from anotha mista? YOLO!”

The group in question consists of anywhere from four to six girls, often including Stacee and Kyla, always including Kim, and once in a while including Patrice. These students, all college juniors and seniors, can generally be found at Two Brothers Tavern, where they say Swanson is becoming a nuisance.

“Oh my God, I just can’t with her anymore,” said Kyla, who declined to give a last name. “She was, like, fine for a while, but then, like, she just kept showing up, talking about random things, and getting pissed when we’d try to, like, have our own conversation. Plus nobody knows what she’s talking about most of the time. What the hell is a spice girl?”

Swanson insists she is being unfairly characterized by the students, showing as evidence a ticket stub from a Demi Lovato concert that she attended in Boston recently.

“That’s exactly what I’m talking about,” said Kyla. “Like, what’s a ticket stub? I have tons of tickets, but I’ve never stubbed one.” Kyla then took out her phone and scrolled through several screens of concert tickets for bands Swanson has never heard of, such as “Cricket Blue” and “Coquette.”

“No, I love Coquette!” said Swanson. “I go to all their shows!”

“Yeah, they broke up, like, over a year ago,” said Kyla, who abruptly ended the interview and walked back to her table.

“Hey wait, is that the headline you’re gonna use?” Swanson then shouted at our reporter. “I am NOT middle aged! I’m mid-thirties!”

Middlebury College had no comment on the situation.

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