Sugarers Create “Maple Syrup for Women” that Isn’t Sticky

SHELBURNE – Seeking to expand their product to a new market, some Vermont sugarhouses have come up with a new formula for maple syrup that isn’t sticky. Branded as “Maple HERup,” the sweet liquid is being targeted towards women, who executives say don’t like the stickiness of traditional maple syrup.

Packaged in a small bottle with a pink label, Maple Herup will retail for about 50% more than regular syrup, and will be smoother and runnier in texture. “This is what women have been waiting for,” the sugarers said in a press release. “Finally both genders can enjoy syrup the way they like it. Gooey and sticky for men, soft and smooth for women.”

Reactions to the new recipe have been mixed. “It just kind of tastes like watered down maple syrup,” said one actual woman. “I think they’re making the product worse and just charging more for it.”

The sugarhouses have not responded to these criticisms, but that method would be in keeping with the traditions for creating products specifically for women.

Maple Herup will be in stores starting next month.

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3 Comments

  1. I think The Winooski has been influenced by bots. This is spreading fake fake news. Probably influenced by bots on behalf of Ivana. REAL women like their maple syrup sticky!

    Flatlanders have no idea of the intrinsically erotic nature of sticky maple syrup. It just wouldn’t be as much fun if it weren’t sticky.

  2. As the putative newspaper of record for South Canada and adjacent provinces The Winooski has the responsibility to dig deeper and ask questions rather than simply reprint what seems to be practically an unedited corporate press release like this one about special syrup for women. If I want press releases I can find plenty of those in mainstream rags like Vermont Digger. You don’t seem to realize this ‘sherup’ is just one more sad example of patriarchal crapitolism charging a ‘pink tax’ by selling inferior and overpriced ‘women-specific’ consumer goods. In Quebec, women are banding together to sue the bejeezus out of companies that engage in this discriminatory practice (see for example this excellent example reported by the CBC on February 15th: http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/montreal/pink-tax-class-action-womens-products-1.3983543 ). Please, do your job as reporters.

  3. Probiotics aren’t found in fruits, trees, or vegetables. They are found in fermented foods such as kimchi, tempeh, kombucha, kefir, etc, because of the bacteria. Coconut water has 2.7% sugar content to maple sugar’s 2% AND those with gut-healing diets need not avoid minuscule amounts (2%) of Maple water—such small quantities will be easily digested. Lastly, Roundup is an herbicide that kills tree roots, so maple farmers typically wouldn’t want to use them unless they wanted to kill all their business. Typically maple water can be a “one ingredient straight from the tree” product, especially DRINKmaple, the brand you linked. They treat their water to kill and yeast or harmful bacteria. What you should “research” next, my dearest Ivy League graduate, is the effect of misinformation surrounding the food industry.

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