Vermont Woman Accuses Fiction Writers of Being Fake

BAKERSFIELD – With the proliferation of political lies and inaccurate news stories increasing every day, one local woman has had enough and is on a personal quest to restore reality. Mary E. of Bakersfield, VT has spent the last few weeks attempting to warn her friends and family about what she calls “fake news,” and now she is expanding the scope of her project state-wide.

“You just can’t trust anything these days,” she said. “I went to the library and saw an entire section, literally millions of shelves of books, full of lies. They told me it was labeled as ‘fiction,’ as if anybody knows what the hell that means. We need to shut this down. Now.”

Mary took to the internet, leaving one-star reviews of the library on Yelp, Facebook, and Google, and said she plans to do the same for any other library in Vermont that refuses to stop harboring false and deceitful narratives. But she isn’t stopping there. Now she says she has set her sights on local Vermont satire sites such as The Parmalee Post and The Winooski.

“Yeah, I left ’em a one star review. I think it’s sick what they’re doing, trying to trick people like that. And every post had ‘satire’ written on it several times. I don’t know who Mr. Satire is, but if he’s going to keep writing these lies, he’s going to have to deal with me.”

Mary was unavailable for a scheduled follow-up interview as she had just discovered that “Blue Bloods” on CBS was not a documentary, and contained made-up characters and plotlines. She is travelling to CBS headquarters on W. 52nd Street in Manhattan to put a stop to it, and to see if any of her other favorite shows may in fact be evil lies designed to manipulate her.

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