VATICAN CITY – Pope Francis has opened the floodgates with his recommendation of changes to the “The Lord’s Prayer”. The Pope says we should drop the notion that God leads anyone into temptation. As a result of this, the entire world is being thrown into linguistic chaos.
In place of “I do,” grooms the world over have changed the marriage vow to “I’ll give it my best shot.” Brides have countered with: “That depends …” as their retort.
The US Department of Justice is recommending a change to the Miranda Rights – From “You have the right to remain silent … “ to “You have the right to blame everyone but yourself …” “This seems to be more in line with how things actually are,” said one department employee.
Court houses throughout the country are changing the question: Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God to What are the chances anything you testify to might be remotely accurate? This change has strong support from the Trump Administration.
Everything from the Scout Law to the US Constitution is now up for grabs. “The pope has dropped a verbal grenade,” says the NY Times, “that has William Safire rolling over in his grave.” The justification for these dramatic alterations is based on the fact that language and culture both undergo significant change from generation to generation. This, coupled with the fact that no one really knows what anyone else is talking about, suggests that The Lord’s Prayer is in need of a facelift. One Catholic priest – Father Jonathan Morris – reminds us that “No one can change what Jesus said.” It’s just that “no one actually knows what Jesus said,” and Jesus certainly could not have meant that God would lead anyone into temptation. It is noted that, for many, the Ten Commandments are actually the Ten Suggestions.
Ultimately, these changes could create so much confusion that peace will become more than a Christmas wish; with no one knowing what anyone is talking about, humankind will either self-destruct before the New Year, or everyone will simply ignore what everyone else is saying – in which case universal calm might prevail.