Ungrateful Person Anxious About Upcoming Family Meal

WINOOSKI – A local cashier at the University Mall is nervous about getting together with family and friends, because they may be forced to lie about being thankful for something. They do plan on attending the meal, despite wanting to skip it, simply to avoid further grief and harassment from their loved ones.

“It’s the worst moment of the year,” they told our reporter yesterday. “We go around the table and everyone says what they are thankful for. And I’m always last, and all the good things are already taken. What, am I going to be the fifth one to say ‘family?’ I don’t think so. It’s horrible. I hate my job, no one will date me, I lost my health insurance, and my car broke last week. The only friends I have are online, and I think they only like me because of how fake I am on social media. It sucks. And now I have to pretend like I am grateful about it?”

When it was pointed out that this person has it better than 90% of the people on the planet, our reporter received a withering glance and the interview was ended abruptly.

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