U.S. Military Members Form Union, Lose Hero Status

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Soldiers and other members of the U.S. Armed Forces have lost their status as national heroes after forming a union this week, looking for better pay and improved post-duty services. The tide of national opinion turned quickly, and service members are finding little support, online or in person, as they work together to better their terrible situation. New E-1 recruits are paid only $1480 per month, or $17,760 per year, which for a family of four is well below the federal poverty level, even when room and board are factored in. Additionally, service members are severely lacking in services to aid in their post-deployment transitions. While only 0.4% of Americans go into the military, veterans account for 20% of the national suicide rate and 10% of the homelessness rate. Those that are not as severely affected still deal with trauma, both emotional and physical, and the high rates of sexual assault in the military leave scars even on those who may not have been deployed. The Servicemen and Veterans Union (SVU) seeks to address the issues of pay and support.

“Fire them all,” says Vermont resident Joe Cannon. “Hire people who are willing to work for almost no pay at all, and without all that snowflakey whining about emotional needs. I used to look up to soldiers, but now I see they’re greedy entitlement brats who have no business defending our country.”

“Heroes? I don’t think so,” Maryland resident Ellen Frederick said in a Facebook post. “You want to be paid a living wage and get adequate support? That’s why it’s called a sacrifice. Suck it up and deal with being abused, mistreated, underpaid, and ignored. I do it every day at my job, and I don’t even ever get a parade. They get to travel the world on the taxpayers’ dime, go to college for free, and they are complaining about it? They’re as bad as teachers.”

The SVU has received the endorsement of several unions, including the Burlington Education Association currently on strike in Burlington, Vermont. These endorsements have only served to further harm the reputation of the SVU, although they plan to continue to plead their case to who are clearly the worst bosses anyone could ever hope to have, their friends and neighbors.

The Winooski will continue to update this page as the possibility of a military strike on U.S. soil becomes clearer.

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