Quebec Files For Sole Custody of Vermont

MONTREAL – Canada and the United States are back in court again this week as Quebec seeks to revise the current custody agreement concerning the state of Vermont. Since 1791 the U.S. has held sole custody of the New England state, with Canada retaining visitation rights on weekends, during foliage season, and whenever Vermont needs laundry done or affordable medication. But Quebec says that deal will no longer work for them.

“The last thing we wanted was to go back to court,” said the largest Canadian province. “We still care a great deal about the United States, and we don’t want to strain the relationship, but we just couldn’t sit back and watch what’s going on over there without doing something. Vermont needs to be in a safe environment, and we no longer have the confidence that the United States is a place where that can happen.”

The legal documents filed by Quebec cite the poor education, high mortality rate, poverty, violence, and general ignorance as major concerns, as well as anecdotal evidence that Vermont is being mistreated. One paragraph discusses a recent weekend during which Quebec came down to the United States and found that some towns do not even have clean drinking water while others are being flooded with carcinogens. Lawyers representing Canada will be arguing that although nothing terrible has happened to Vermont yet, if current trends continue it is only a matter of time.

“Yeah, I heard about it,” said the United States. “I’d like to see Canada try to get her hands on Vermont. We agreed when Vermont was born that Vermont would live with me, and it’s worked fine for over two hundred years, so I don’t see what the problem is now. Canada has no argument, and besides, I’m rich. I can get better lawyers. And you can tell Canada that she’s lucky I don’t build a wall between our yards. If she wants to keep seeing Vermont, she should drop it.”

Vermont had no comment on the custody battle, as it is refusing to come out of its room at this time.

20 Comments

    • you would regret it cost of living very hight especially for Senior citizen, Hydro water and school taxe but on the energy a lot to learn from them on road construction Quebec looks is of very low quality alomost like a thirsd world country, emvironnemet far a head of us.
      but one thing that annoye me is metorcicle they have no respect about noise and 95% of car drivers do pass on yellow light has here you must stop.

  1. It’s all about the cheese. If Quebec could lay claim to Vermont’s excellent cheese production they would feel more French. They will be after nappa next.

  2. EXCUSE ME! As an independent entity in its own right, Vermont has a say in this. Yes, we admit we were born of an improper liaison between Canada and the United States, but we might remind both parties that at the time they did not have legal independent status of their own. Neither has EVER had custody of Vermont. We have had independent status from birth. We simply announced our emancipation and for ten years were the Republic of Vermont. For pragmatic reasons, we became the 14th state of the United States in 1791. We appreciate the concern of Canada, and certainly hope that she continues to regard us with the fondness that we reciprocate. As for the USA, well, we get along fine with most of our brothers and sisters, even though we all have different parents (both of you, keep that in mind!). It’s just, well, we are worried about that guy in the White House right now. So it’s good to know you have our back. But darn it, Mom, we’d appreciate some respect for our own ability to take care of ourselves, PLEASE!

  3. It’s clearly a cruel hoax perpetrated by the International cabal to crush the little State of Vermont under the millstone of Universal Health Care. Millions of the 625000 Vermonters will flee to Alabama and other states that have vanquished Medicaid and allowed their citizens freedom from enforced medical care.

  4. Whichever tit Vermont sucks from makes little difference . . . U.S. or Quebec. Vermont is a dependent ward that only survives as long as Government and Flatlanders give their support through tourism, subsidies and redistribution of wealth via taxation.

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